First off, I’ve been hearing reports of the newest firmware you’re pumping out to battle the haxors of the world has caused people who were unmodified to have bricked Wiis, from which you’ll not claim any responsibility and will actually charge people to get fixed? Now I’m hearing that if you buy stuff for your DSi and want to migrate it to a newer DSi (for whatever reason), you can’t…you’re just shit out of luck.

What the hell happened to you Nintendo? You used to be so cool. You were the envy of all your rivals, now you’re just a bloated hack who keeps preying on the people’s sense of brand loyalty and nostalgia by releasing the same games on barely upgraded hardware. Bad form old chap, I’m sad to say.

I’m not kidding, not allowing people to re-download software that they’ve paid for is a real dick move and another reason I’m against digital distribution. Don’t even get me started on the retarded ‘anti-hacker’ campaign that is more ineffectual than pissing on a wildfire, you just can’t stop them and your efforts to do so are further alienating your fanbase.

Man if seeing the first live-action short that came out for Halo 3 wasn’t enough to satisfy, Bungie graciously provided the above video for Halo ODST. I love it when companies can do live-action and make it seem…ya know, good! Seriously, clips like this do nothing except tease me into thinking that we’ll never get to see a Halo movie on the big screen anytime soon.

The creative director for Red Steel 2 seems to think so. Jason Vanderberghe goes so far to say that the Wii Waggle is dead, it is no more, it has shuffled off this mortal coil and gone off to meet it’s maker, it is an ex-feature.

Ive been championing Dave Perry’s Gaikai for quite a while now thanks to the fact that it’ll all be done without the need for special controllers or boxes on the user side, unlike OnLive which will require something of the sort.

This week, OnLive’s El Jefe Steve Perlman disclosed to the world that they’ve recently finished taking in approximately $700 million in funding from various investors who are hungry to see what the company can do to transform those investments into dividends.

That’s an awfully large amount of money for a startup company to have as operating capital for an unproven product like Cloud Computing.

Another quiet week this week in terms of things that I’m planning on picking up but I’m sure there’s plenty of things for everybody this week, you can find the list of this weeks releases here and hit the jump for the Media Whore Network Guide to the comics you should be reading this week.

Well it looks like Square Enix is trying their hardest to make sure that the fans of Final Fantasy all the world over are happy, at least the ones that can read English that is. I saw the Japanese only one earlier this week and could understand a little about what was happening (3 years of Japanese in college FTW), but my one to two word comprehension is nothing compared to being able to read subtitles.

Yeah I may bitch about SE a lot these days, but in all honesty…they have my money when it comes to Final Fantasy games, they’ve had their hooks in me since the NES. As long as its pretty like this and not as basic as the demo made it seem, I’m sure I’ll have a great time with the game.

Good morning whores! If my name was Mr. Peabody, I’d have asked my boy Sherman to set the way back machine to the magical year 1984 when Ratt was actually considered metal. That’s right, today I was thinking that I’d love to share with you all my love for glam-metal and it doesn’t get much worse/awesome than Ratt.

The song above “Round and Round” was probably the only hit the band ever had besides “Wanted Man”, which I’m sure some of you will remember is on the Weird Science soundtrack. Both tracks were off of the band’s first and most successful album to date Out of the Cellar, which featured Tawny Kitaen (yeah Whitesnake!) on the cover of the album…funny fact, besides being on Celebrity Rehab, Tawny was just arrested for a daytime DUI.

Anyways, enjoy this little slice of butt-rock heaven. You’ll never know when the next piece will float your way. Oh, and keep an eye open for Milton Berle playing two of the characters in the video above (one’s in drag…hint hint).

Kojima had an interview with Kotaku recently about many things, but the one thing that many of us gaming whores are picking up on is the statement he had about doing a remake of the original Metal Gear, which appeared on the MSX2 waaay back in 1987 when I was a mere lad of seven.

Arguably, Lord of the Rings Online was a success, yet a failure at the same time. It didn’t have quite the draw that World of Warcraft had, but it sold enough and has enough people paying monthly to keep the lights on over at Turbine for quite a while. They have taken a page out of Champions Online book and have started offering lifetime memberships for the reasonable price of $199.

Ugh, file this in the “I’m a whore for media” category. The last Guitar Hero I got was last Xmas when I picked up Guitar Hero World Tour, and spend all of 3 hours playing it…it was right in the time where I started to feel really jaded towards all of the rhythm games that we were being inundated at the beginning of the year. Now, I find out that there are 2 tracks coming as DLC that are essentially must-haves for me.

If you’d told someone 40 years ago that one day there would be machines where you could play along to virtual versions of The Beatles with plastic instruments, they probably would have asked you what you were smoking and if they could have some of it.  Hell, if you’d said a year ago that there would be a Rock Band version of The Beatles, people would have laughed at you.  I mean, The Beatles’ catalogue isn’t even available via digital distribution yet (and still isn’t), never mind in a Rock Band game.  But yet here I am, holding my disc for The Beatles: Rock Band.  The 9th of September has come and gone and I’ve now had a few weeks to do all of what I could do in the game.  (I don’t own drums) Now I feel fine and I’m ready to write my thoughts on it so let’s go on a Magical Mystery Tour.  (I’ll kill myself for these jokes later)

Square Enix right now has three flagship series that currently makes them their healthy doses of money: Final Fantasy, Dragon Quest, and Kingdom Hearts. In an effort to make even more money and appease the people who are clammoring for more and more games to come from the power-publisher, Square Enix talked to Yahoo! Japan regarding their plans to make that magic number of three, turn into six…eventually eight.

I was a complete lock for picking up GT PSP when it comes out in a few weeks, until I found out that they’ve included Jay Leno’s voice in the game. Now, I’m not so sure that I want the palette-swaped-skunk haired ex-host of The Tonight Show to be invading my game.

Yeah I know that he’s a huge car buff and has a whole bunch of classic cars and all sorts of other expensive ones, but why should Polyphony Digital care enough to put him in the fucking game doing voice-over work?

Yeah yeah, we all know that it’s been done, but this strip was just begging to be made. Before all of you start complaining about teabagging being a male only thing, keep in mind that your grandma probably considers herself a teabagger these days.

Will Tim Buckley ever be able to distance himself from the miscarriage comics? Probably not, as long as there’s a breath in my body I will continue to make fun of the seriousness portrayed in a ‘comic’ about gaming that seems to forget that it’s a gaming comic for long stretches of time.

Yeah, let’s get this week off to a great start. When I think of metal, I can’t help but think of Ministry. I know, I know, they’re mainly considered an industrial band, but Jesus if today’s song doesn’t have the best guitar riff in the world. To me the opening for “N.W.O.” is one of those instantly recognizable tracks that will be melting people’s faces well in to the next century, it’s that fucking hard of a riff. You can find it on their most popular album Psalm 69: The Way to Succeed and the Way to Suck Eggs as the opening track.